my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
