There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
