I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
tell me about the eggs
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