he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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