A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
