It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
