My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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