Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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