I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
