it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just googled if crying burns calories
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
