i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
