her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
