I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
