literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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