Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
