i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
