I'm going to jail i love you
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
