Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
