I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize