i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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