There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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