someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
