so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it was like eating out sand paper
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
