he wants to bone in the snuggie
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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