You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think im going to throw up on grandma
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
