My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
They left me at home... I'm a liability
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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