I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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