Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
