If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
