are you still at the devil's house?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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