yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
