I accidentally had phone sex last night
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
