Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
