Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
