there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
