I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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