She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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