We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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