We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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