So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
be right there i have to get my cape
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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