All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
