Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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