Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
