we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
