...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am spending my child support on dildos
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
