I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
