girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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