Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
