Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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