We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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