I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
