If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
