I want to stick my p in your. b.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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