it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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