And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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