Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
