You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
