I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
