Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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